Please excuse the super emotional post for today. I am compelled to share this with you because I felt like I am not being true to myself and to you.
Online, I seemed to be ok. In reality, I am not. I have been battling depression and anxiety over the last couple of months. I have developed a very unhealthy eating habit and have not been sleeping well. I easily get irritated over little things. I became lazy, complacent and I lost motivation that at times I just want to stop and get away from everything.
The last couple of months have been tough - creating, maintaining this blog and my business and connecting to people. I felt like I'm not being true. And it showed in my numbers (social media, blog, shop).
I knew and I perfectly understand that I have to deal with this.
For some reason, nothing's working. I'm still in the dark and I still grieve over a lot of things - my business, lost opportunities, people who chose to stay away from me, people who continue judging me without knowing the "real" facts.
After being quite for a couple of months, today - I cried.
My husband noticed how my behavior changed. We talked and I cried a river opening up to him what's causing these bad feelings I have inside of me. I got some nagging (which I consider very normal of him) and I got some harsh words and then I cried more. Honestly, I needed to hear his words. True, I cried a lot but it was huge relief! It felt like something big was taken off of my chest.
Then, he listened to me more and when the tears all dried up - he gave me a huge hug.
Seeing the Good
Our conversation was such an eye opener. We have different views but in the end, he respected mine.
I have learned a lot today but the one I love most is when he told me this - "Respect Yourself."
And that is what I am going to do from now on.
I will keep on living and see the good in things - and people. I know it will not be easy but I still have people around me who believes in me. Who don't judge me because of other people's words. Who have accepted me for who I am. That enough is a good reason to start over again.
So as July ends - I'm throwing away all of these negative emotions. Go and stay with the negative people who you belong with. I am not yours and you will never become a part of me again.
I'm ready for another day.